All who read my blog, know that I've struggled with the way that my Dad left my Mom, and their marriage after 40 years. (without even a goodbye, and without remorse with a mistress on the side)
YES~!!! My Mom has re-connected with and is HAPPIER THAN SHE EVER HAS BEEN, with her fiancee (soon to be husband!).
BUT...this woman my dad married still broke my family apart. Their doings really put a strain on my Dad and me, My little brother and my Dad, and My brothers and I. Kind of like a test of strength.
I've forgiven my Dad. I haven't forgotten. I'm still praying for her conscious to wake up and realize what she has done. I'm still praying for my ability to forgive her.
At this point in my life, I never want to see her, meet her, or have any dealings with her what so ever.
Why am I writing this ???
My mind is heavy on it tonight, and I reach out to you for help, ideas, suggestions, and or prayer. (feel free to leave your comments here, or as most of you do text me, or email me).
I was able to help my little brother out with something tonight. While he and my husband worked on his vehicle...i took our kids, and his to the local Burger King, for supper, and to play. I also helped Jake and Tristyn with their homeworks.
While we were there, my Dad shows up, with guess who?! HER! I was overwhelmed with thoughts...but the biggest was WWJD?! (especially with the kids there, I didn't want to cause a scene).
I dealt with her presence. She even asked if it was okay for her to be around. (DUH!!! Lady...do u think I'm going to go off on you with my four kids right here underfoot!) Goodness!
No I didn't want her around. Her presence is not desired. In the Bible it says to shun the appearance of all evil. Pray for thy enemy. ..... Never had to deal with all this before, until the last two years.
She's evil. She literally came between my family, tearing each and every one of our relationships apart. She hasn't once, realized the wrong in what she did. She is my enemy, b/c I want so bad to make her hurt like she hurt me, and my own.
Having her sit across from me was the MOST uncomfortable moment of all time.
Why does this still bother me....even now that my Mom is more happier than she's been in 43 years! ????
As you can see I still need lots of mind development here. I just literally have NO desire for her, or her presence!!!
Will I always struggle with this. ???
3 comments:
Amy, you struggle with this because it hurt you to have your family torn asunder. You feel she is the one who caused the problem. But what you need to realize is that she did not act alone.....she did not consciously act out of evil intentions to tear apart your family nor did she think of how her presence would affect your relationship with your father or any of you, for that matter. When she and your father reconnected, BOTH of them were busy thinking only of themselves and yes, it was very selfish. Neither of them took into account, or if they did no one knows, how this would hurt everyone.
So now, where do you go from here? You learn to be happy for your parents, both of them. You are so happy for your mom and the happiness she has found, maybe it is time for you to wish your father the same happiness. You yourself said that your mom is the happiest she has ever been in the past 43 years, perhaps your father is too. Consider how things would have been had he been a more forthcoming and honest man and went about this in a better way. Would you have accepted her then? Would you have been willing to get to know her? Would you have been able to see your father is happy?
Think about that and let go of the old hurts, and try to move forward. Remember that God loves you with all of your faults and He loves your father too....It is not our job to judge their actions, but to know and accept that they will face the ultimate judge one day and have to answer for their sins. In the meantime, be the person I know you are capable of being, a strong woman of God and let His love guide your behavior.
I love you and always will and am always here for you. I am very proud of how you handled the chance meeting tonight.
Deb
you are right, and yes...things would be different had they carried their actions differently.
IDK why, but it is just hard, and Im trying to 'get over' it, and move on. It's just hard to. All that u said is so right, but with me being human...makes it so hard to get past the hurt. HOPEFULLY one day...I will.
Love you too!
I think your feelings are completely normal and even Biblical. There is a time for righteous anger. I think people tend to take the "do not judge, lest you be judged" passage out of context. Judging in this sense means that you are judging that person's state of grace, what sentence a person deserves, when the Bible clearly says that it is only God's business "to repay, to avenge". I do not believe that means we should not call sin what it is, that we should turn a blind eye or not exercise our God-given discernment. Judging a behavior, a choice, a lifestyle, a character trait to be sinful or not sinful IS what God calls Christians to do, both in our lives, the lives of our families both at home & in the church, as well as to be the conscience of the community in which we live in accordance with His Word. Truth isn't always pleasant, but ultimately it sets us free. Clearly, in your anger, you have not sinned in that encounter, you handled it beautifully & gracefully! Keep praying for your anger to dissipate and for the Lord to heal your & your family's wounds. Pray that your father & his mistress will come to repentence in their hearts. Happiness is not the ultimate goal of this life. Holiness is our goal. Righteousness is our goal. Not because we are sinless, but to show our faith in Jesus to be genuine, in His Salvation, in His eternal promises, in His divine example of how to live life in this world, and to obey His command to love God & one another more fully. Jesus also said you know a tree by its fruit, and Amy, you bear SO MUCH GOOD FRUIT!! Don't feel guilty for hating sin and its poisonous effects. I firmly believe this is a false guilt. At the same time, keep giving that anger over to God, so that it doesn't infer with all that good fruit production ;)
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